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More thought provoking posts to come in the future. Still shaking the mud off my mental cleats.

Yesterday I received word that my friend had passed peacefully.

Now I must say my farewells to a man who was a cornerstone of our community. A man who was kind hearted and hard working. Someone you would always want on your side.

Although his gruff exterior did give many the wrong impression. Those who knew him, knew not to judge a book by it's cover. For he was one of the most compassionate and friendly people you would want to know.

When a friend passes, it is a time of reflection. Of both their life and yours. You tend to look back on the experiences you have had with your friend. You are drawn to smile at the humorous endeavors and draw a tear for the emotional and moving moments. When this mental picture of your friend is complete, it is somehow immortalized into a timeless vault. You freeze frame their entire life for future reference. Unlike memories of your friends that are living, those of your departed can not be changed by current events. Mostly, your feelings and opinions about the one that has gone on lay in state, never to be changed or tarnished.

Now the time for self reflection. You ask the question, "what if it was me lying in the casket?" Would my friends and acquaintances have kind and warm memories? How would you be remembered? How would you be eulogized? Just the thought is shuttering...no not of death, but how you would be remembered.

I have those thoughts. When I compare myself to my friend, I feel that I fall short by many standards. Although we never discussed this openly, I think he knew that I wanted to follow his lead in many instances, but found my self retreating. Oh the calling is there, I hear it loud in clear. But the body is not willing.

For years, I have always felt a need to do something that "matters". Not something that would bring attention to myself, but something that affects other lives in a positive manner. Oh I have always donated my time for worth wile causes, such as helping renovate the homeless shelter and purchasing goods for the food pantry. Yet I have always felt the need to do something that will invoke change. Permanent change.

There are several opportunities that have been laid on my plate. Some are drastic, some are mundane. Some would have an immediate affect, yet others are just small building blocks for the future. One in particular makes me shutter. Quite frankly it brings tears to my eyes,  yet it would have the largest affect on not just those surrounding me, but a much greater community. It would also have a largest impact on my life.

I have always been called to "do this thing" by a voice in my head. Now I have two voices that are speaking in harmony. My friend just joined in.

About three weeks ago, I met with a friend to discuss some common concerns. This friend being a bit more mature than I by at least twenty years, sat with me for hours engaged in conversation. We discussed a problem and it's possible solution. I was revitalized by the energy ths man had in his mid seventies. I pray to have half of his zeal when I reach fifty.

Two weeks had passed when bad news arrived. My dear friend had been admitted to the hospital with an internal infection that was a mystery to his physicians. A week in the intensive care unit did not improve his condition. He slipped into a comma and was put on a ventilator. Yesterday his family decided to have him removed from life support when the physicians informed them that brain activity was almost non-existent due to a progressive encephalitis (swelling of the brain).

I sit in a somber mood, reflecting on my interaction with this man. He always held the well being of his church and family close to his heart. He was emotional about the problems we both saw within our community.

Now my friend's legacy lays dormant as he lays in a hospital room, near death. I feel compelled to carry his wishes into the future.

I know the problem that we discussed was a thorn in his side. It put our small community at risk and ate away at my friends nerves. A problem not easily solved.

As his family contemplates the passing of their father and husband, I am saddened that I was not able to spend more time in his company. He is a man that cared about his community. Often working late at the church to paint,  fix a door or touch up the mulch on the playground area, he showed a commitment and drive that not may men have.

I vividly remember his face as we met several weeks prior. He would always grimace when we discussed finances. His forehead wrinkled and face drawn, he did not enjoy this time, yet he knew that there was work to be done.

I sit here empty, knowing that a friend of the community will soon pass. He will leave a void that will not easily be filled. His kind yet stern manner that elevated him to a father figure will be missed as his passing will leave pain in many a heart.

As I write these words, I can hear his voice echo in my head.... "We've got a bit of work to do, let's get to it!!"  

May the peace be with you my friend. We'll do our best to look after things for you.

Growing up in a family of five, I recall my siblings and myself trying to out do one another. We all sought my fathers attention and approval. Being typical of a man who was raised in the depression and served in the US Army during World War II, my father was somewhat disconnected from his family. If we walked away with any trait from our father, it was his work ethic. Eleven to twelve hour work days were common. He came from a generation that had little and worked for all they had. The fear was always that one could loose everything as the depression had taught my father's generation all too well.

I tried my best to win my father's acceptance and pride. Twelve years of being a somewhat successful athlete proved nothing to my father. He only attended two of my football games and never made an appearance at any of my track meets.  

In my last year of college I was married and we were expecting our first child. The fear almost consumed me. How was I going to provide for a wife and child while holding down a part time job and taking 18 hours in my final year of college. I felt my father's fear. There was no safety net. But we did it!!! We some how made ends meet.

Then the twins were born. If one child's arrival caused distress, the arrival of two almost seized my heart with fear. Not just the fear of financial failure, but that of the physical well being of my family. 

OK Bill, time to put aside the financial worries. The kids are healthy, no worries there. Now the big question. How do we teach these humans  to become self-sustaining? I knew all too well that the world my father knew no longer existed. These kids needed a new set of skills that would help them be self sufficient, successful and most of all happy well rounded adults.

I saw many examples of what not to do. There were plenty of soccer games that provided classic examples of bad parenting. The screaming. Telling the child exactly what to do as if there were no cranial mass above the neck line. Reliving one's athletic career or lack of through one's child. I knew from my own history of athletics, that I did not wish my experiences on any of my children.

I have to admit, there were no books, no master plan that we used to raise our children. We ...yeah it's hard to admit.... We WINGED IT!!! Oh yeah, we were flying by the seat of our pants. One thing we knew, we wanted our children to be happy and motivated. Most of all we wanted them to have a feeling of self worth. We loved these kids more than life itself.

You see, there was one more child that we rarely speak of. We lost a son several  years after our first was born. We lost a future that we will never know. Perhaps this is why we were even more determined to help nurture and teach our remaining children to be loving, caring, confident, successful and last but not least, self-driven independent thinkers.

My son's music career was not born from our music talents. Oh no!! I have just enough knowledge of music to embarrass my son as he tries to engage us in conversation about a particular piece of classical music. His mother nor I had a music background to speak of. Yet, my son has done well.

Amazingly, we never had to remind him to practice. We merely were supportive of his talent. Love, support and a little direction...or common sense. We had a hard time providing direction since we knew...oh how can I put this in an eloquent yet understandable way...

WE KNOW JACK SQUAT ABOUT MUSIC!!!!

I believe that adequately sums up our understanding of music. I am sure our son will strongly agree with our self-appraisement of our musical knowledge.

There is something very special about watching a passionate flame ignite in a young persons heart. A flame that is eternal. A flame that you as a parent do not have to fuel. You know at this point, that they will do well. This person will make it. They will be successful. They will love what they do...They will love doing it.

We love our children more than anything. We will always be there to support them in all that they do. We will be there to celebrate. We will be there to offer a shoulder to cry on.

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
The rains fall soft upon your fields
And until we meet again
May God hold you In the palm of His hand.

In a recent trip to Chicago, we decided to take in some great Jazz music. There is a small jazz club on Rush Street, the Back Room, that brings in some of the best talent that Jazz has to offer. Because the club is so small, you are up close and personal with everyone.

The music is so good that you quickly forget that the person at the next table is almost sitting in your lap. When the band lays it down...you quickly forget where and who you are with.

Last night was no exception. The Bobby Lewis Quartet was putting it all together.

Which brings me to my topic...Is there anyone alive who does not enjoy a great saxophone solo?

There is something about the sax that is hypnotic. It rounds the sharp edges. It's high and mid range tones bring the instrument so close to emulating the human voice. When sax solos, you are taken to another dimension and time. It's sound reverberating, entrancing while sounds change in a rapid fire sequence. Then it slows down, the color changes. Your frame of mind changes. You go from high energy room.. tapping your foot and rocking side to side, to a very calm....serene....placid place. The color changes from a very bright vivid color...energy packed to dark and subdued.

Turn on you local "Smooth Jazz" radio station for a few songs. One of them will feature a sax solo. Note how your mood changes. Just maybe it's what the doctor ordered for that "day from hell". I will assure you, the sound will take you to heaven just long enough to put your soul at ease.

Listen to some Jazz music..... and your day will look much better.

On March 4, 1993, Jim Valvano delivered an inspirational speech as he was being honored with the Arthur Ashe Courage Award. His body weak and being consumed by cancer, Jim Valvano required assistance to get on and off the stage. Once he arrived at the podium, he mustered the energy and courage to deliver one of the most inspirational and emotional speeches since Lou Gehrig spoke before a packed Yankee Stadium on July 4^, 1939.

Towards the end of his acceptance speech, Jim Valvano, as only a man living his last days could do, delivered this profound statement ;

“I just got one last thing, I urge all of you, all of you, to enjoy your life, the precious moments you have. To spend each day with some laughter and some thought, to get your emotions going. To be enthusiastic every day and [as] Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Nothing great could be accomplished without enthusiasm" -- to keep your dreams alive in spite of problems whatever you have. The ability to be able to work hard for your dreams to come true, to become a reality. (Jim Valvano 1993 ESPY Awards March 4, 1993)

It is a shame that a dying man’s words must inspire us to live our lives to the fullest. To enjoy life. To think. “Spend time in thought” as Valvano stated repeatedly.

Thought…Reflection…Meditation. Many fail to spend needed time reflecting on their actions or their path in life.

A friend of mine shared a recent experience with me. During a trip to the store, he saw a female acquaintance. He stopped briefly to exchange the usual greetings. My friend has always lacked self-confidence. Never felt comfortable talking with members of the opposite sex. His marriage of ten years ended in a heart breaking brutal parting that made the opposite sex seem even more alien.

As my friend began to deliver a detailed recounting of his conversation, I quietly wished for speedy ending. He went on to recall every word…. “Hello, how was your weekend?…Fine and your weekend?” 

“Goodbye, have a great day, take it easy” A conversation that remained strictly on the surface.

The very next day he saw his friend in a car, crying. As she quickly looked up and recognized my friend, she dried her eyes, smiled, waved started her car and quickly pulled out of the parking lot.

We all are ships passing in the night. We are all like marching ants…

“Take these chances place them in a box until a quieter time”